Beda Profesi atau Seprofesi? Ini Kunci Tetap Akur Dengan Pasangan

by - Thursday, October 23, 2014


"Partner with different profession or similar profession?"
- Finding the key for a happy relationship. -

Kedua orang tua saya berprofesi sama: pemusik. Melihat keduanya melakukan kegiatan bersama-sama; manggung bersama, berdiskusi musik bersama, memikirkan aransemen lagu bersama - saya sempat berkhayal ingin juga memiliki pasangan yang juga sama-sama pemusik. Jadilah saya dulu sering sekali ngecengin pemain musik; entah pemain gitar, pemain drum, ataupun pianis, rasanya seperti ada stereotip yang begitu melekat di benak saya: pemain musik itu keren, yahngga jauh beda dengan anggapan dengan anggapan: anak band itu keren!

Tapi apa daya ketika saya mendapati kekasih yang sudah tiga tahun terakhir menemani saya ini bukanlah seperti yang saya bayangkan? Bukan hanya beda profesi, tapi dunia dan latar belakang kita hampir sangat berbeda! Namun, bukan berarti itu akhir dunia, malah saya seperti tersadar, he's just all I need!



Both of my parents work together as a musician. Seeing they do activities together; jamming, discussing music, arranging a song - had made me dreaming of my future partner: I want one who does exactly the same, a musician as well. So, be it a guitar player, drummer, even a pianist, it seemed like there was a stereotype telling me that: a musician man always cool.

But reality tells me a different story: my boyfriend, whom I've been dating for three years, not only we're in a different field, our world is completely different! However, in the end, that doesn't bring me the end of the life, as far as I realize and how surprisingly I would come into a thought that: he's just all I need!



Di dunia entertainment kita sering membaca pernyataan-pernyataan selebriti yang mengatakan tidak ingin pasangan yang seprofesi, tapi buntutnya ketika sudah terjadi belakangan malah menyesali pilihannya karena pasangannya tidak mengerti profesinya. Sebaliknya, pasangan yang seprofesi malah menjadikan selebriti tersebut jarang bertemu karena sama-sama sibuk. Well who's to blame, here?

Dulu saya berpikir jika saya mempunyai pasangan yang seprofesi saya bakalan bahagia sedunia akhirat, karena:

1. Berada di dunia yang sama, jadi bisa selalu bertukar pikiran di mana saja.
2. Bisa saling mendukung dan menguatkan ketika mengalami masa-masa susah.
3. Bisa mengerti keadaan dan kebutuhan; jam kerja, beban pekerjaan, karena merasakan suka duka yang serupa.

Tapi saya lupa bahwa pasangan yang seprofesi juga mampu memicu: Persaingan yang berisiko menghancurkan hubungan. Iya cukup satu itu saja sudah mampu menjadikan masalah merembet kemana-mana. 

Lalu bagaimana dengan suka duka memiliki pasangan yang tidak seprofesi? Awalnya saya malah berpikir: banyak dukanya!

1. Berbeda dunia, seringkali topik pembicaraan tidak sama: saya bicara musik, dia bicara alam - bukan itu saja; prioritas yang berbeda, beban kerja yang tidak sama, hingga cara menyemangati seringkali menjadi hal yang sensitif.
2. Jam kerja berbeda bahkan berlawanan: saya bekerja freelance dengan waktu kerja sesuka hati saya, sedangkan pasangan saya harus stick to the rules, bahkan sampai harus berpisah 3-6 bulan.

Tapi setelah sekian lama menjalaninya, ternyata hubungan ini asyik dan seru juga! Kuncinya hanya satu: rendah hati.

1. Ternyata ketika dia bicara seputar petualangannya dengan alam, saya malah jadi penasaran; travelling hingga berkebun jadi hobi baru saya. Ketika saya bicara musik, sekarang dia jadi kritikus nomor satu saya; dia juga mau pergi ke konser, melihat saya resital ataupun memahami jam-jam saya harus manggung. Rendah hati demi saling mengerti.
2. Ketika kami berdua sedang stres masalah pekerjaan, kami memutuskan (demi kebaikan) tidak langsung bercerita/memaksa melainkan memberi me-time sejenak sembari kami masing-masing punya cara yang berbeda untuk menghibur dan menguatkan, saya mungkin akan memainkan piano lagu-lagu lembut biar dia merasa tenang, sebaliknya dia akan mengajak saya jalan-jalan ke gunung. Barulah saat kita sudah merasa rileks kita bisa saling bercerita - memang kadang tidak ada solusi yang tepat yang diberikan pasangan (bahkan saya sendiri yang memikirkan solusinya)but trust me, seringkali merasa nyaman, tenang, dan mengetahui pasangan kita adalah orang yang akan selalu berada di pihak kita itu merupakan kekuatan serta inspirasi tersendiri dalam menghadapi masalah. Rendah hati terhadap tingkat emosional masing-masing pribadi.
3. Wawasan baru. Pastinya! Dulu saya mah ngga ngerti masalah sumber daya alam Indonesia dan seluk beluknya, sebaliknya pacar saya mana bisa membedakan musik swing jazz dan swing blues ataupun lagu klasik era baroque dan era romantik. Hahaha... That's fun, though. Rendah hati untuk mau belajar.
4. Dan masih banyak lagi...

Dan semakin kesini saya semakin menyadari dengan karakter saya yang dominan, saya benci bersaing dengan pasangan saya - saya tidak bisa membayangkan bagaimana jadinya kalau pasangan saya pemusik dan malah lebih sukses dengan saya, mungkin saya bawaannya sirik dan panas hati melulu. Sayapun bersyukur kekasih saya bukan blogger tapi sangat mendukung saya ngeblog, bagaimana jadinya kalau dia blogger dan hidupnya autis di sosial media dan saya yang fakir perhatian ini merasa tersisihkan? Praise The Lord, He knows what's best for me!

Lho, terus bagaimana jadinya kalau pasangan sudah kadung seprofesi? Saya ngga bilang itu buruk, hanya saja that's just not for me, buktinya orang tua saya, Puji Tuhan, tetap akur sampai detik ini. Kuncinya hanya satu: rendah hati.

Ayah saya pernah bilang: apalah arti semuanya jika kita tidak punya rasa rendah hati.
1. Rendah hati untuk menghindari persaingan. Ayah saya tetap sabar ketika ada kalanya ibu saya lebih aktif manggung. Bukannya malah sirik tapi setia menemani dan mengingatkan jadwal ibu saya dengan baik bahkan memperhatikan kesehatannya.
2. Rendah hati untuk tidak membawa masalah pekerjaan dalam rumah tangga. "Kamu tadi intronya salah", "Tadi harusnya lagunya bukan gitu iramanya", "Tadi tempo kamu terlalu cepat", well, hal seperti itu biasanya yang jadi awal mula berantem di kalangan kami, pemusik, namun, agar makan malam tidak terganggu, biasanya kami tidak membahas hal itu. Biasanya kami akan membahas itu selang sehari, dua hari, menunggu mood dan waktu yang tepat untuk saling mengoreksi.
3. Pokoknya yang utama rendah hati.

Dan yang terpenting: rendah hati untuk selalu mengutamakan hubungan dengan Yang Di Atas, sehingga kita diberkahi dengan kebijaksanaan dalam menjalankan sebuah hubungan.

Kalau sudah begini, suka duka hubungan seperti apapun, walaupun memang berat, pasti bisa diatasi. 
Bagaimana menurut Anda?












Watching recent entertainment lifestyle news, I often found how most celebrities do not want a partner with similar profession, but later we heard that they regretted their choice because they never understand each other. On the other hand, couple who does similar job as, eq celebrity, find both themselves are too busy to meet each other. Well who's to blame, here? 

I used to think that I would be greatly happy to have a couple with similar profession, because: 

1. Being in the same 'world' and situation, you can always exchange ideas on the go. 
2. Able to support and encourage each other when experiencing hard times. 
3. Can understand the circumstances and needs; working hours, workloads, because the ups and downs of similar feelings. 

But I forgot that the same profession couple were also able to trigger: competition which risk in destroying the relationship itself. Yeah this major problem could lead into everything bad.

And how about the ups and downs of having a partner who doesn't do similar profession? Initially I would have thought: a lot of grief! 

1. Speaking of our different world, it's hardly difficult to communicate regarding our job: I talk music, he speaks of nature - not only that; different priorities, workloads which are not the same, and even how to encourage often cause a sensitive issue. 
2. Working hours are different and sometimes we're doing in the opposite time: I work freelance with very flexible time, while my partner had to obey the rules, even doing business trip which take 3-6 months for us to be separated.

But after all this time working on it, I find this relationship is actually  fun and exciting! The're is only one key for everything: humility

1. It turns out that everytime he talks about his adventures with nature, I become so curious; and guess what, now traveling and gardening are my new hobbies. Otherwise, when I speak of music, now he became my number one critic; he's also interested to go to a concert, recital or understand my gig schedule. Humble for the sake of mutual understanding. 
2. When both of us are stressed about work, we decided (for our good) not forcing each other to speak directly telling about it, instead we each have different ways to encourage and strengthen our partner; I will probably (surprisingly) play a gentle piano song to let him feel calm, otherwise he would take me to the mountain and let me enjoying nature view. It was only when we were already feeling relaxed we could share each other - indeed sometimes there is no exact solution our partner could give, but trust me, only to feel comfortable, calm, and knowing our partner would be the one who's always be on our side is the strength and inspiration to face every problems. Humble towards the emotional level of each individual. 
3. New insights. Certainly! I used to not knowing of Indonesia's natural resource issues and intricacies, otherwise my partner could hardly distinguish between swing and blues song, even difficult to understand baroque and classical music style. Hahaha ... That's fun, though, but we're learning and trying to understand each other's life. Humility to learn
4. And many more ... 

And lately how I realize the dominant character inside me, how I hate competing with my partner - I can not imagine what would happen if my partner does similar profession like me and finding the fact if he's even a more successful musician than me, maybe I would live full of envy and emotionally jealous. Yes, I'm so grateful my partner isn't a blogger (he's even not interested in trying), but he's very supportive. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he got so busy with his blog and social media and I felt left behind? Praise The Lord, He knows what's best for me! 

Well, so what happen if your partner already does the same profession as you? I don't say that's a bad thing, it's just not for me, look at my parent, thank God, they still get along so well up to this day. The're is only one key: humility,as well.

My father once told me: what's in it if we did not have a sense of humility
1. Humility to avoid competition. My father remained patient when there were times my mother did more gigging. Instead of jealous, he was so supportive accompanying my mother and reminded her schedule even paid attention to her health. 
2. Humility to be careful not to bring work issue inside the relationship. "Your intro was wrong", "You played the wrong rhythm on that song,"Your tempo was too fast", things like that is our everyday discussion as a musician and sometimes could lead into a fight. However, don't let those topics distract your dinner talk. If you think it would be so sensitive, you can just avoid it, normally we will discuss it within a day, two days, waiting for the right mood and time before correcting each other. 
3. The main thing is: be humble

And most importantly: the humility to always give priority toward the relationship with God, so you will be blessed with wise through your every relationship.

And I think, with this simple key, whatever partner you're with, what profession you're both doing, every problem can certainly be overcome.

What do you think?

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2 comments

  1. nice post mak,, ho oh kalau se profes kadang kalau prestasi kita melejit, pasangan merasa tersaingi dll... ah yang penting seprofesi atau tdk penertian tetap yang utama ya mak dan rendah hati

    ReplyDelete
  2. yang pasti harus rendah hati ya mak, jadi bisa membuat hubungan saling melengkapi :)

    ReplyDelete